Raising Liberal Sons, from Castration to Socialization

The Author of Kakistocracy is a writer I greatly admire and his post “A God from the Machine” inspired me to begin elucidating my insights into the cultural mores, motivations, and promulgation of Liberalism.

I was raised by very Prestigious Liberals and as such my earliest memories involve listening to Sheryl Crowe and the Indigo girls with my mother and ballet classes which culminated in a rousing performance of “Thumbelina” in which I played a tempting cricket in tights and wore very bright red lipstick despite begging to play football or box.  If you are not firm in your castration your son may turn straight as I did and express an interest in womyn’s bodies.  It is crucial that should your son express his desire for a Womyn on the cover of Cosmopolitan Magazine that he is immediately chastised by his mother for being a disgusting pig who needs to learn to respect womyn which means not expressing your innate desire for them unless it is a desire for the most perfect love of one’s mother.

It is crucial to remember that boys proclivity for violent play comes from contact with Republicans and the Patriarchy.  One can push a boy away from this corruption by restricting television to NPR’s News Hour with Jim Lehrer and “The Magic School Bus” in which a disturbed ginger teacher takes her students on poorly scheduled non consensual field trips inside exotic locales such as her pupil’s colon and ancient epochs in which the fauna is dominated by predatory dinosaurs.  Professional sports are crucial social proofs for gaining access to high paying jobs in the patriarchy so it is important to undermine any interest in these events such that your son is immediately viewed with suspicion and discomfort by his peers.  Some better hobbies than sports are pressing flowers and assembling miniature people out of felt.

As your son reaches puberty he will be awkward with Womyn as he will think that Womyn are not desirous of a fierce man to force himself upon her as is reality but Liberalism does not promote reality but rather seeks to mold reality to its whims.  Your son will desire attractive womyn which is Patriarchal and you should encourage your son to date only very fat womyn who disgust him and also womyn who have the testosterone rich jaws of men and have very bad acne.  All of these womyn should hold Liberal beliefs as you have no doubt usurped whatever faith in God you have with your totalitarian political ideology which you no doubt wish to see passed down to your heirs.

If you succeed as a Liberal Parent your son will have no knowledge of popular sports, a very low level of testosterone, a very Fat Wyfe, and will have spent a good deal of time as an apprentice book binder in a small Vermont Towne.  He will acquire three masters degrees and live out his days as a Librarian and only consume media from NPR.

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