Cad Makes a Terrible Mistake: In Which Cad Visits the Web Page of his Lost Love’s New Lover and is Dismayed by the Size of this new Lover’s Canon; but then Realizes upon Further Inspection that This New Canon, while Sizeable, has Naught the Qualitie of Cad’s Canon and upon this Realization Cad Falls Asleep Quite Satisfyd

Cad has a propensity to fall in love with womyn from Vermont despite knowing that love is a biochemical addiction, and his last tryst was with a womyn who radiated and leaked vermont in such a way that triggered Cad’s disgust and love and Cad’s love attempted verily to corrupt that which is good about Vermont and make it ever more nationalistic which is a pursuit which a young nationalist should never attempt as Vermont is a most Dastardly state which must on its own realize that it’s character is more nationalist that it wishes to admit.

Yet Cad is Charismatic and his Love found her Lover’s Charisma to be captivating as all womyn in love should and Cad and his womyn from Vermont were verily deeply in love.  Cad through his superior self knowledge determined that monogamy was an unacceptable state of affairs for him and initiated an open relationship the notion of which repulsed Cad’s Vermont Love and they verily divorced for a week but Cad’s knowledge and truth drove the womyn who was Cad’s love back into Cad’s arms and they verily were reunited together for many months until the womyn begged for Cad to release her and Cad grew wary of her questioning and released his love at which point she was driven into the arms of a man who lived in Vermont.

Cad decided to review the webpage of his love’s new love and verily nearly died from shame as he discovered the MASSIVE GIRTH of his lover’s new love’s Cannon.  My lorde, what a Cannon.  HUNDREDS  of albums, THOUSANDS of songs, POETRY, SHORT FILM, PHOTOGRAPHY, WAS THERE NO CREVICE WHICH THIS CANNON COULD NOT FILL?

Verily I felt a sickness in my gut far worse than the feeling of losing one’s lover.  Verily this was the feeling of a spiritual cuckolding for my cannon while impressive is not nearly so thick and long!

As I am a man and I embrace pain for the sake of self improvement I listened, I LISTENED DEAR READER to my NEW LOVER’S GUARDIAN’S CANNON.

Verily, it was horrid!

Moaning, moping, electronic induced filth with one inducing emotion: ennui!  Sweet, sweet ennui!  The only emotion one can feel when one is a wealthy liberal with no drive other than cultural suicide!

I immediately felt restored as it became clear that my lover had replaced me with a temporary comfort with no modicum of the intellectual capability and spiritual clarity of your dearest Dastardly Rake (II) Cad.

I verily resumed swiping right on tinder.

Best, Cad

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  1. Pingback: Cad Seduces a Womyn Student of Harvard Divinity School Who Believes Herself to be Psychic and also Gropes her PHD Compatriot at a Harvard Party | Dastardly Rake II

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