Cad has worked in Software Sales for nigh 3 years. His academic background is a four year degree in the weaving of baskets and also the study of Africans which has kept his mind flexible and in tune with the vibrations of the earth and her children. Given these conditions Cad has invented a software and go to market strategy which will revolutionize the enterprise and the selling of her software (respectively) to other children of hers, her being the earth mother Gaea and her children being humyns. Software is the best product for the earth mother because software is simply numbers and does not affect the environment like hardware does.
Cad’s software is a cloud based integrated marketing platform designed to streamline sharepoint governance while consolidating your HR management into one intuitive framework with deep insights and deep, rich, very rich oh so so very rich analytic visualizations with retroactive funnel management cart abandonment segmentation for granular targeting AND re targeting in a unified, real time, intelligent suite of applications for your web and mobile sites coming soon to mobile apps with in app and push messaging not to mention SMS with the ability to send email cascades while integrating into Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, Foodler, Tinder, Grindr, WordPress (fuck tumblr), bloomberg, and all web conferencing tools including but not limited to Skype, Join Me and GoToMeeting while integrating seamlessly with your CRMs like Salesforce, Netsuite, and capsule, and of course all reports are easily exported into Excel with all data being stored in an Amazon S3 Json formatted bucket which is easily hadupable, shareable, customizable, and seamless. Everything must be seamless.
My go to market strategy involves hiring legions of highly educated but functionally useless prestigious university graduates with massive student loans and enforcing working hours of 7am to 8pm during which time they will make cold calls and I will berate them mercilessly whilst very high on very good cocaine and fire most of them and hire ever more replacements each year while building an inner cadre of elite salesman who are the most needing of my favour such as men who are married or men with the highest loan debts. As we will always have a massive sales force investors will think that our business model is robust and offer a higher price for our company at the time of liquidation than it is worth. The software will cost $20,000 per month but we will negotiate down to 1$ per month for elite clients as it is important in 2015 to have major name clients and many small clients as you are not acquired for your business value but for the data you have acquired from the businesses within which you are installed as the acquirers are generally Google or Yahoo or Oracle or Facebook who ultimately share data with the Federal Government which of course verily prints money with which to buy the data of the land with which to monitor the nations citizenry.
The engineering staff will be small and highly abused and demoralized in the same manner that one must keep a wife in order to ensure her fidelity.
The sales staff will be discouraged from learning product details as details are not good for the mynd of a salesman who must be like an SS member in his devotion to the software but unlike an SS member he will wear low buttoned custom fitted shirts made of silk.
You’re Welcome, Cad
Dastardly Rake II 